 His legacy |
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Healing Hearts Garden- Pontiac Park- Defiance
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Nate's 15th Birthday- September 3, 2007
We gathered together, had cake, and then released messages for Nate tied to balloons.
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Nate's headstone- installed August 16, 2007
Front:
Back:
Our Favorite Picture of Nathan:
Mom drew this in honor of Nate's love of sports:
Nate always signed his baseballs:
Last family picture, April 2006:
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Healing Hearts Garden- Pontiac Park- Defiance, OH
Our support group, Healing Hearts, has a garden at a local park where granit bricks are placed in remembrance of our children who have died. Mom helps take care of the garden, spending a few hours there each week.
Nate's brick bought by Aunt Sally & Aunt Sylvie
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Nate Pannell Memorial Scholarship
Congratulations to Gregg Harter, first recipient of the Nate Pannell Memorial Scholarship given to a senior entering the field of law enforcement. Notice the orb!
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Classmates honor Nate
Nate's classmates held a pop can drive on March 29 & raised nearly $80 to be donated to the Ronald McDonald House Charities. Thank you so much for honoring our Nate in this way! Your generous spirit is another testimate to how special Nate is.
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Our Angel Nate
People didn't need to know you long to know that you were great.
Everyone knew that you were Jessy's perfect mate.
Our times with you were great, just like your team, Ohio State.
Even though fate brought us here, we still hold you very dear.
Now you are perfect Nate.
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Written in 5th grade. Are you a cop in Heaven, hon? I bet you are...
MY LIFE
by Nate Pannell
My name is Nathanial John Pannell, but my nickname is Magnet. I got that nickname because my hands are like magnets to footballs. I was born on September 3, 1992 in Columbus, Ohio. My parent's names are John Darrell, age 33, and Denise Rene Shock Pannell, also 33 years old. I have one brother whose name is Nicholas Jack Pannell, age 9.
I live in Defiance, Ohio on 420 Washington Avenue in a 2- story white house. What I like best about where I live is that it is a good neighborhood everyone knows each other. I have 5 pets, 2 dogs, a schnauzer named Lucky, and a miniature poodle named Peanut. Also, I have 2 cats, both Himalayans, named Bunny and Plato, and I have one puppy, Bubba, who's a Schnoodle (a mixture of a mini-poodle and a mini-schnauzer).
So far, I have been to 2 schools, 1 at Slocum Elementary in Defiance Elementary, and Fairview Elementary. I have in Defiance for 4 1/2 years and Fairview Elementary for 1 1/2 years. My best friends are Willy, Tyler, and Austin. My good friends are Zachary, Bret, Brian, and Eddie. My favorite teacher is my 3rd grade teacher, Mrs. Rath. She did a lot of fun stuff with us. My favorite memory of school is D.A.R.E. graduation because the pizza was good and the games were fun.
I play 2 sports, Baseball, and Football. I mostly don't like Basketball because I suck at it. I am in band and play the trombone. My mom made me try it and now I love it. My favorite "hobby" is playing my Gamecube.
I want to go to Ohio State University for college because both my parents went there when they went to college and I love the Buckeyes. Since I want to be a cop when I grow up, I'll go to OSU for 4 years. I will be a Deputy Sheriff of Defiance county in Ohio and I will make $40,000 a year.
I will live in the city in a 2-story blue house that I am going to build with the help of my many friends. 2 dream cars I want are a yellow Dodge Viper, and a black 2003 Chevy Avalanche.
I hope to be married to a supermodel who's a good housewife and a good cook. I want to get married in St. John's Catholic Church because that's the church I go to. I'll be 21 when I get married so I can get a good start on my house. My best man will be my brother, Nick. She can hace whoever she wants for a maid of honor. We will have our honeymoon in Viva Las Vegas.
I will have 3 kids, 2 boys , and 1 girl whose names are Billy Kameron Pannell, Nathanial John Pannell II, and Amanda Marie Pannell.
For a vacation, we will go to Disney World for 7 days and Disney Cruise for a week also. At Disney, the kids and I will go on every ride while mom gets some rest from working. On the cruise, the kids will go to a Kids club, while my wife and I get some time alone. I picked Disney World because I went there when I was 10.
When I die, I want red roses at my funeral and want to be buried in a cemetery of my family's choice. "We are the champions!" will be playing during my funeral. All my stuff will go to my wife and my kids.
What I'll do to make the world safer are arrest criminals for disobeying the law so everyone is safe and donate money. I hope all of these things really do happen in my life.
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The 100 Year Old You Looks Back by Nate Pannell- written for Vanguard class- April 2006
Nate Pannell
4-17-06
The 100 Year Old You Looks Back
In all my life, I have many accomplishments and achievements. I have received many awards and accolades. For instance, in 2010, I mistakenly found the cure for cancer while trying to discover a glue for envelopes that actually tastes good. While accepting the Nobel Peace Prize for medicine, a Hollywood talent agent asked me to be an extra in a movie. In all of Hollywood, I became known as the best actor since the great Matt Damon (may he rest in peace). I date all the great beauties in Hollywood, varying from actresses to swimsuit models. I got my big break by being an extra in one of the best directors of all time, Tom Cruise’s movie “Mission Impossible VII”. I really became a household name after playing Don Vito Corleone in the remake of “The Godfather”, for which I won an academy award. I had to quit acting after being drafted for World War III when I was deployed to Djibouti, Africa. While in country, I single handedly defeated the entire Aussie Army, who was trying to overrun a Djiaboutian tribe. While saving the Afrikkaaners, I was shot in the left buttock, which gave me a limp and ended my acting career. I received the Purple Heart from President Beau Samples and was sent to Colin Powel Memorial Hospital to recover. There, I met a nurse who would later become my wife. After recovering, Lily and I got married in Honolulu. In my later years, I spent my life writing novels in the “Ghost Rider” series. Despite all of these wonderful moments in my life, the greatest achievement was having a son. After having that wonderful 7 pound precious child placed in my arms, I couldn’t hold back the tears. William Kameron Pannell was my greatest achievement. Billy and I had wonderful moments as father and son, like winning the father-son pie-eating contest and beating the rival Johnsons. From watching his first step, teaching him to drive my Porsche (which he backed into a street sign), watching him marry a beautiful woman, and seeing him have his own children has made my life complete. As I face my own mortality, I can look back at my life and know that this is how I wanted it to be.
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One of Nate's classmates, Elizabeth D. wrote this for us- Christmas 2006- Thank you, sweetie. You have no idea how much it means...
Nate
My First Christmas in Heaven
Before I tell you about Christmas here, let me tell you about how it was when I first came here. When I first came here, they had a job opening as a guardian angel for guess who? Jim Tressel!
His old angel had retired to the clouds above Florida. I volunteered and got the job! When I'm not on duty, I play football with the best coach ever, Woody Hayes. They say Bo Shembechler is up here, but I haven't seen him yet. I wonder why? It's great because it never rains on game days and we almost always win.
Up here you can tell it's winter, not by the cold weather, but by the snow that falls. It isn't like on Earth, where there are only a couple of good snows and then the ones that look like dirty oatmeal. up here, all of the snow is pure white and each flake is a different flavor, like peppermint or french fry!
The day after the first snow, everyone went outside and put up the nicest Christmas decorations you have ever seen. There are life sized gingerbread houses, huge Christmas trees, and lots and lots of bright candles of every color around town.There are days for caroling, snowball fights, a sledding competition, and the real Frosty the Snowman. Around the square there are twelve Christmas trees all decorated with giant ornaments, each topped with a huge shining star.
One day, another angel came over to us at our table at breakfast, Woody and the rest seemed to know him, and I did too, once he introduced himself. He said his name was Gabriel, and said I was about to witness some pretty amazing stuff here in Heaven and on Earth. I felt warm inside when he spoke to me, and I knew exactly what he meant. I could see it when I looked down to Earth and people were happier & friendlier to each other. They stopped picking on their little brothers, and did more nice things for each other. It was a change.
The angel choirs are singing all the time now- sometimes I join in! I have a new job since the Buckeyes don't play for a couple of weeks. It's my job to look after the soldiers who are away from loved ones in Iraq and Afghanistan. I volunteered for it too. I know it's especially hard for them to be away from the people they care about, so sometimes I ride along so they can feel the presence of love and kindness.
Baby Jesus will soon be born! I feel so happy, he's a bright light, a warm place to land and hold onto.
I know you guys miss me, I miss you too, but you know I am always with you. When you feel the winter wind on your face and it takes your breath away, that's me telling you I'm here and I'll never leave you. When the sunshine is so bright in your eyes you have to squint, that's my smile, and I'm sharing it with YOU. I see that you and my friends have not forgotten me, and that makes me glad because I know when you think of me, it is with love.
_________________
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Nate's Fish- we gave everyone a print of Nate'e linoleum carving for Christmas 2006
Nate’s Fish
The fish represents a positive image in many cultures, from the Christian symbol to the Koi Nobori carp banners hung to represent the families’ sons for Boy’s Day in Japan. From the internet, I found the following: “Along with being a generative and reproductive spirit in some religious systems, the fish also has been identified in certain cultures with reincarnation and the life force. Sir James George Frazer noted in his work, "Adonis, Attis, Osiris: Studies in the History of Oriental Religion" (Part Four of his larger work, "The Golden Bough") that among one group in India, the fish was believed to house a deceased soul, and that as part of a fertility ritual a specific fish is eaten in the belief that it will be reincarnated in a newborn child.”
How fitting, then, that our boy Nate carved this fish in fifth grade during art class? As I was making the prints, I marveled at every gouge, thinking that his hands had once touched this, and I cherished every mistake he made, as they are his own fingerprint left behind. Nate was, and remains, a very special boy. We have heard time and again how he touched many lives, from the friends at school to the boys on his summer baseball leagues. We are blessed to have him as our son, brother, friend, grandson, nephew… He lives on through us.
I still have the frog print made of Sandy’s linoleum carving and I think of her every time I look at it. How ironic that they both were able to leave us a piece of themselves in the same way! It is my hope that when you look at this fish, you will remember Nate as he was- a life force. Remember the sarcastic, yet sensitive teenager. Remember the awkward, yet athletic young man. Remember the boy we had for 13 wonderful years and know that, although our hearts ache to have him back, he is still with us.
With love,
Denise
Nate’s Mom Forever…
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Nate's story as told by his mom... (unfinished- just can't seem to bring myself to relive it yet)
Nate’s story
May 21, 2006
The runner on third watched closely as the batter swung and missed, extending the distance between himself and the base, ready to steal home. The catcher stood, set himself, and appeared to rear back, ready to throw the ball down to second. The third base runner, seeing the obvious mistake in judgement, began sprinting toward home. But, wait! The catcher threw the ball to the pitcher and the pitcher threw it back, trapping the runner and fooling nearly everyone in the stands. “He’s out!” yelled the umpire and the stands went wild. The catcher looked at me and smiled, his eyes searching for approval. I smiled back and gave him a thumbs up. I shouldn’t have doubted Nate. He was a fabulous catcher.
This was only one of several awesome plays Nate had that day, the last game he would play for the season, although we had no idea at the time. I remember almost the entire game that day, how blue the sky was, and how I held out the five dollar bill as he ran by me at halftime so that he could snatch it and be one of the first in line for the concession stand. I also remember Nate crouching behind homeplate, calling out to me, “Mom! My head hurts”, as he pointed to a spot behind his left ear. I thought it was just a headache. I wish I had known. God, I would give anything to go back to that moment and change the course of fate. If only…
That evening, Nate and I stayed up late (nearly 1 a.m.!) working on a science project that was due the next day. Of course, I lectured him on being a procrastinator, wanting him to be better than I, not falling into the same patterns that I used throughout my school career. I sighed, yelled, cursed, and yet he continued to forge ahead. It is funny the things we regret looking back after tragedy strikes. I am sure Nate felt as frustrated as I, but he didn’t show it. He forgave my impatience and thanked me for helping him. What an awesome son.
May 22, 2006
Driving home from baseball practice, I played the song, “I Believe” by Diamond Rio for Nate and Nick, asking them if they understood what the song was about. “It’s about her dying”, Nate answered. Their dad and my husband, John, was in Kuwait, readying to go into Iraq and I was petrified that he would not come home. I had been having premonitions that something bad was going to happen and I wanted them to be prepared.
At home, I cooked dinner, something I hadn’t done much of since their dad had left. Between baseball pratices and games, it was just easier to get take-out every night. I remember joking with Nate while cooking. He was so proud that he and Jessica had made the list of couples for the school newspaper. Ah, young love. His dad and I began dating in junior high, so I understood the feelings he was having. Nate raved about the dinner, telling me how good the potatoes were. It was such a simple meal; meatloaf, potatoes, and corn, but Nate raved about the whole thing and made me smile. After dinner, Nate yelled at his brother to get off the sectional couch. “Jack, move to the chair. Mom and I are going to take a nap.” Sounded like a good idea since neither of us had had much sleep the night before. Again, Nate complained of a headache, but I thought it was lack of sleep. We laid down, our heads in the corner of the sectional, and Nate fell asleep almost instantly. I watched him breathe for five minutes, something I had done when he was a baby, but hadn’t done for years. He was such a handsome boy, like his dad, and I felt a little sad knowing that my firstborn son was now a teenager. Finally, I drifted off to sleep also. Later, Nate woke me up saying, “Mom! It is one in the morning. We have to go to bed!” We both stumbled to our rooms and fell back to sleep. No kisses good night. No hugs. No “I love you”. Where is that time machine when you need it?
May 23, 2006
We woke up late, as usual, and rushed to leave for school. I realized that I had missed three phone calls from John calling from Kuwait. His last message said that he was going into Iraq and we wouldn’t hear from him for awhile. I was heartbroken and cried the entire twenty minutes it took to drive to school. When we arrived at the junior high, I told Nate to try and have a good day. “I’ll try”, he said. Those were the last words I heard from my son.
Two hours later, as I was teaching art to Nick’s class in the next building, the phone call came. “Denise, Nate hit his head on his locker and is unresponsive. We’ve called the paramedics. Come right away.” I sent my class back to their teacher, dashed out the door, and drove the minute to the junior high. “Remember,” I told myself, “head wounds bleed a lot. He probably has a concussion.”
The classroom had been evacuated, students sent to study hall. Only a few adults stood watch over him. I was not prepared to see my son lying on the cold, hard floor, flailing his arms and legs, head turning from side to side. His eyes were rolled back and he was moaning ever so slightly. His principal addressed me, “I laid him on the floor and put his binder under his head. He is having some sort of seizure.” His hands were shaking as he held Nate’s head. I rubbed Nate’s arm and whispered, “Mom is here. Hang in there.” The classroom had been evacuated, students sent to study hall.
I had never seen anything like this before. This was no ordinary seizure. Nate’s arms shot up in the air and twisted back down. He jammed his hand down his pants. I took it back out. His long legs twisted, turned, and kicked. I looked to see if he was breathing and noticed how thin he was, his hip bone jutting from his khakis, his belly flat. His breaths were shallow, but he WAS breathing. I felt like I was outside of my body looking in. This can’t be happening.
The paramedics arrived and began giving him oxygen. They rolled him on his side as he vomited thick yellow bile. A medic asked me into the hallway and, God forgive me, I thought he was going to ask if Nate was on drugs. “I don’t want to scare you, but I am calling lifeflight”, he told me. I nodded, numb with fear. I looked down the corridor and saw Jessica walk by, her thirteen year old face wet with tears, arms crossed as if to protect herself. “He’ll be alright” I called, as the tears finally rolled from my own eyes.
Deputy asking questions, teachers trying to recall what they had seen, students pouring from neighboring classrooms, Nate on a stretcher, walking down the hallway, someone’s arms around me, out into the sunlight. Scenes flashing in front of me. “I have to get ahold of the Red Cross to get a message to John”, I told someone.
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